Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
