My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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