Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you never un-have a 4some
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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