i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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