I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
