please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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