I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
