Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
