none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
