I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
