It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
