There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am one with the molecules
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
