He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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