He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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