his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize