So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
