Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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