My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
