so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
