You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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