that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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