you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
