I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
