The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
