omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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