I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
