Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
