the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
