How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
