maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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