I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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