remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize