im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
