Me too!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
