its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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