you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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