im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
