Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
