don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
