Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
