i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
