What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
