well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
