the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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