It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
