I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
