Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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