True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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