I need help removing her.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
