From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
